All I want...

All I want is someone to love me.
All I want is to live a life I can be proud of.
All I want is to be helpful and friendly.
All I want is a family of my own...

All I have been told is college is the only way to get money, to provide for myself, family, and live a life.
All I have been told is that money doesn't grow on trees and hard work is all that maters.
All I have been told is that I won't measure up to anything.
All I have been told is that I hurt people, destroy everything, and that people would b better off without me.

I have been told that I need to go to college, so why is nothing happening now?
I have been told to stop, again, and again, and again, so why is it so hard to stop?
I have been told that I am the driving force for my life, so what do i do?
I have been told, that "I will always be here for you".... so where are you now?

All I really want RIGHT NOW is for me to be able to unfold and write my life story.
All I really want RIGHT NOW is for my life to be stable.
All I really want RIGHT NOW is for my emotional self to be heightened and trusting.
All I really want right now... is for the demons, skeletons, and regrets to be washed away, for I have a lot to do.... and do not need them by my side.

Overly Hopeful

Excited? That is not the word... because nothing is happening, nothing has been immediately promised. I wish excited was the word. More like depressingly disappointed. You have always been taught that college is the way to go, now you can't go. You have been promised, and nothing happens. People want but don't do or act. You talk about one day, but where is it going? When is this "OneDay" this "SomeDay"?

SomeDay, will not be OneDay. Today, is my tomorrow, I will reach new highs. I WILL have my life, my shining star, and my light will shine bright and overflow and touch others. I can't Let the world keep me down. It's not an easy task being the strong one, for everyone. I need to be the strong one for MYSELF and my FUTURE wife, kids, and most importantly my future self.

When feeling weak, I can't give up. I will be weakened by my Lust, then destroyed by my Envy. I can't cope, I must be strong, and keep it all out of me. These demons haunt me. The skeletons can not be kept hidden. Out in the open, acknowledged by self, knowing it is there, will allow you to stop before a mistake is made, before you fuck up one too many times.

SomeDay I will have the life I dream about. For that "SomeDay" to happen, I no longer need to dream it, but LIVE IT! Today is filled with emotion. Only God can help me. I will never be alone with him, no matter how low I have sunk,no matter how empty I feel, no matter what wrong I have committed. God is the one person who I have always needed, and has always been so close. Today... I pray that I can just keep myself happy in life...