What's up

When? Now: College, family, money, the stress of it all and more, and the need of healing... the need of God. I have God, I need to keep him closest to my heart, for he is the most treasured thing I have. I'm more than I think or give myself credit for. There is more to everyone. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!! Don't stop getting back up, for if you stop getting back up, you will never be able to get to where you want to go, or do what you want to do. Never stop picking yourself back up, if you can't, God will help you.

What? There is no way you are going to stop me with God on my side. It's not a game, it's life and real people. True feelings and true mind sets. Is it that sometimes the best help is to walk away and let God do the teaching in their life? I do not know the answer to that. All I know is that I can't keep living this way, I'm breaking out of this cage and facing my demons, getting clean, a brand new me, white and pure as fresh snow. I look past the clouds moon and stars and pray to God, what do I do? I'm never going to stop, but rather always try my best for what I believe is right.

How? I take in all I learn from not JUST a book or school or even what I have been told to be fact. I look at life and see what has happened and ask what lead to this, where did it start. I look at what I do not want and ask how do I need to act to get the opposite. I pray to God, I ask him for strength and wisdom. It has been given to me since birth, but now I know I am nothing compared to him, there are bigger things out there than just me. People and forces with power, who have influence on what I need. God will help me... God will provide me with that I really need. So I keep my head high, and watch myself, for actions speak louder than any motivational speech.

Who? Me. My life. My God. My prayer. My future is my family, my happiness, my wife, and my home. My home, my thrown, open to all to help in need. My good deeds to help others and set a new example of what normal is suppose to be. I will be not the ENVY of the people, but the CHERISHED and LOVED, one whom they can TURN TO and TRUST. Some say I'm this, some say I'm that... I'm Christopher Holcombe thank you very much.
I will succeed not because a love for money or power or to appear better, but because I want to provide, support, and love my family and my God.

Why? Why not..? Why NOT be successful and why not be loved... why not feel good, healthy, or happy... why stay sad, jealous, depressed, or just plain bad ... why would you ever want that? Why not have love in your life. Why not? If you could have love, wouldn't you want it? Wouldn't you want to travel to the end of the world to get it? Why lie? your greater satisfaction will come faster with truth. Why sin?..

You ask why? Because I can't do it on my own, I need help... more importantly... because I have sinned... I hate many things I have done. God will protect me from further damage. The flesh heals itself. The heart... does not. That's why. That's why.

Closed Gates (I should have posted this last week when all of this happened.)

I walk this neighborhood. I look at all the beauty God has created. I am out of my cage and bondage, and the sky and the world is not even my limit but I have so much more. God is showing me just a taste of what he has made, for the future has much to hold for me. I stop and think, wow... I take it all in and breath it all out. It's wonderful.

I look at the houses and see what they really are. Inside are everyone's wold, their problems, their issues, their joys, and their love. I keep walking and think to myself how I am passing many worlds in just seconds... passing by everyone's problems. I just gazed at the houses thinking of everything that goes on in my house, and I do not even know what goes on in any of these houses. It was all inspiring because of what I have gone through. God really spoke to me.

I have had ups and downs like everyone has. Through life we go through stuff... it's just natural. I have healing to do and it's okay. "One day at a time looking forward to tomorrow with a focus on God for God." I feel bad leaving my family, but we must all go through change and growth. It helped me be okay with leaving my "broken" family.

I was done with my short walk and return to my house. When I got inside I had a great since of hope and freedom, even in the environment I hated. I walk back into my room, "Pridefully Broken" and... It was all okay, strange, but okay. I don't ask for a wish, I ask for strength and wisdom, I have it, let's use it.

A game of happy and sad music.

Don't love me because I'm all you've got.
Don't love me because I'm always there and supported you.
Don't love me because I'm always good about taking good care of you.
Don't love me because I'm always putting up with shit for you.
Don't love me because I'm always the one you could turn to.

Don't hate me because I'm done with you, moved on, and are better off without you.
Don't hate me because of what I got & that I'm the best at what I do.
Don't hate me because my silence is what kills you inside.
Don't hate me because you wait for my call and never get one.
Don't hate me because you realize what you have lost, and it is forever gone.

If you really ever wanted me you wouldn't have lied.
If you really ever wanted me you would have known I never pressed my family on you.
If you really ever wanted me you would have known how I felt and seen the sorrow.
If you really ever wanted me you would have known when I needed you to just hold me.
If you really ever wanted me you would have never given up on us.

If you want me come and get me.
If you want me show me I'm all you want.
If you want me prove to me you care.
If you want me come into my life.
If you really want me, love me for who I am.

It's late

It's late. My body is tied. My soul is on top of the world. My emotions are in the dump. My hope is a high as the clouds. My love is unconditional. My heart is open to all. Without pain. Without drive. Without reason. Without knowing. My life is spinning out of control. My life is revolving around this one God. My life is a Curious. My life is a river. I will stop on my way down stream. If you need a ride, I can offer you what I have. If you need a hand, I will help you on board. If you need a gracious friend. I'm the one.

God Bless