?....Random thoughts of the rather interesting night 3/23/2011.....?

Can you really know what you want, when you don't know who you are? You may enjoy good times with an interest. Is it a true interest with someone you want to be with forever, or just something you really like right now? See, it is different if you know you are looking, to have a good time, for fun, or a fling.

Do you need stability? Some say yes, others say no, because it will happen. Where will it come from? Some say your emotions needs stability, while others say you need a stable job with a place to live... etc, etc... everything involving money. I personally think God will provide it all, and you have to think it and feel it before it can become. What one person needs will be different from another.

2:35 AM

When all the light and hope it gone, know that there is another day... another flower... another fish in the sea... and that there is always someone to lean on when you feel so low.

2:40 AM

"Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for you

As years go by, I race the clock with you
But if you died right now, You know that I'd die too... I'd die too"
(Until the Day I Die - Story of the Year)

I use to feel like this with you, and still think sometimes I do. I do not know if it is me, or the way I am around you. I think it is me, and how I am not the stable person I wish to be. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you, and what I said was true.

...Good Lord you have saved me, good Lord keep saving me.

2:44 AM

Sometimes I hate what has happened throughout my life, and sometimes I don't. Have I really let go? I want to be this great person whom my one day* family will be proud of me, and not ashamed. I want little kids to look up to me, and I want growing men to see me as an example of how to act and hold yourself. I want to be closer to God. I don't want to feel guilt, sorrow, broken, useless, or ... ya get the point.

I want to feel confident all the time. I want to be wise about it, and not boast or .... I don't know, I can't think of the word. It's late... I'm tired.

2:51 AM

I lost my hope, I see it, and have not grasped it. What is wrong with me?

Help

A family works together, and depends on one another. The children need mom and dad to bring food home and provide shelter. As time goes on, the children have responsibilities, chores, or duties. The parents teach the children how to do the task bestowed on them so that, not just so they know how to do the chore the proper way, but also because the parents need help too. Adults need time to themselves to relax, laugh, or play just as much as children do. That is why they might hire a sitter to watch the children on a Friday night.

People need each other. People need help. Never be shy or stubborn to ask for help. Yes, try and do it yourself, try and see if you can handle it, but never try to do it all yourself. One person can only handle so much. Only so much change can happen in one time. Historians, leaders, and philosophers discovered how true that is, and they been sharing the idea for over 200 years now. It is something that can out do the people with the best of hearts, too much change. A death in the family is one thing. However, a season of tragedy is another. These seasons could last years, or just a couple of weeks.

Bad times happen to all of us.

It is okay to ask for help... From family, friends, and God.

God Bless all, and I hope this helps someone who really needs it right now.

I don't even know anymore

I'm not perfect, I don't wish I was. I do wish I could get some things right though. I sometimes wish I could find my ambition and put it in a box so I will always have it.

I feel as if I am wasting time.
I want another shot, if not just one.
I feel I am wasting opportunities.
I ... Do not know where to go in my life.
I know where I want to end up, my dream.
It feels like I will never get there though.
Right now I want this, and then I want that.
If I waste so much, why does it matter?

Whoever may be reading this, listening to me, please pray for me.

God please help me. God please take your hands and lay them on my heart. My mind isn't right, please take away all distractions... ALL of them. Fill the gaps of what will keep my sanity whole staying focused. I bred you, I want you. I feel I am so far from you, my father. I love you, and I hate how I hurt you. I want the strength of will, to utilize my wisdom and good heart.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Time

Time us a terrible thing to waste. It never stops, always moving with a fluid motion. I have pursuits using my time wisely. I pray to the good Lord that I may use my time wisely and build good habits.

I need and WANT to study, and read His good word. I have terrible trouble routinely doing the reading I have an urge to do. I know what I need to do, but can't get it to stick...

Fml

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Family Aside...

I love my family, and I wouldn't want to trade in my family other any other family. However, I am sick and tired of all the bull shit. I need to move on with my life. I want a happy life. I need to build a happy foundation, and right now there is nothing positive to build on. Granted I am in college and gas, phone, and a place to stay is being paid for, and I thank you momma.

I want a happy life.
I want a functional family and household.

The stuff my family is going through is legitimately crazy, but I have my plans and life to go on with. To me... it seems that the cycle is never ending. I want out.

My thoughts are louder than any music you can blast at me,
stronger than any words you can spit at me,
have more tenacity than any ego trip dance you can have with me,
and more age of wisdom than you can imagine.

My ego is only shadowed by my wisdom of the kings,
my will shalt always persevere when suppressed,
for thou my days are numbered I will live them to the fullest,
because joy is my ecstasy that I carry and share.

I can use my skills to talk my way out,
to push my body past limits, for it is limitless,
my knowledge will tell my curiosity what is the best thing to do,
making the chase more fun and allowing me to chase again.

My luck fueled by four-leaf clovers is surprising,
I stumble across the things I need to move forth,
and to share with others who need to move forth,
I am not fueled by luck because it runs out.

My soul will never run out,
I will run forevermore,
My mind is a matrix only God can solve,
Accept me and I will always be there for you.

I am nearly crazy fun,
and totally freaky,
there is a time and place for everything,
but laughter is the best medicine.

DIS-EASE can not live in a EASY body,
stay healthy and correctly fuel yourself,
mind over matter with an old soul's heart,
it's easier than you think the be glistening and free.

The body heals just as the heart can,
let your fire burn and ashes feed your seeds,
the more seeds you plant the more you should expect,
but a watched pot will never boil.